Father’s Day is right around the corner, and whether you are a dad, climbing with a dad, or just channeling peak dad energy year-round... You've come to the right blog. The Team at Movement Portland compiled a list of the best (i.e, worst) they got.
These are the jokes that belong in your chalk bag right next to your emergency Sour Patch Kids from 3 seasons ago. The kind of jokes that might make your belay partner consider their life choices. The Kind of jokes that are such a stretch, it could be in one of our yoga classes.
But hey, you gotta admit the best part of a dad joke is the same as Offwidth Climbing: it hurts so good.
1.
I know a lot of jokes about ropes...
...But they are all too Knotty.
Let’s be real is the kind of joke you tie in with. Classic.
2.
Why are some climbing holds so reliable...?
...They are good in a pinch.
Five fingers. One thumb. Infinite pun-tential.
3.
What do comp climbs and libraries have in common...?
...Whole lotta volumes.
There is a variation here with music..... or the hairstyle of the B-52s. Use it on a route setter next time you see one!
4.
Why are dogs great climbing partners...?
...Strong natural ability to track a-sents.
Tail wagging, beta sniffing, never forgets a route. Good doggo.
5.
Why was climbing before 1970 so cool...?
...They had a Hip Belay Technique.
Did you know the first ever mechanically assisted belay device was the Sticht Plate, invented in 1969 by Fritz Sticht?
6.
A shin and an ankle walk into a bar...
...The bartender says, “Sorry, folks, this is a Knee Bar.”
If you’ve ever hit your shin on a volume, this one stings a little. Still worth it.
7.
Why are cowboys skilled lead climbers...?
...Great with a Quick Draw.
Yee-haw!!!! Saddle up and send.
8.
What makes bakers such great climbers...?
...They are always working on their crimping.
They also probably smell like cinnamon rolls, which can't hurt, honestly.
9.
Do you know why boulderers are grumpy all the time...?
...They have too many Problems!
Don't even get me started on sport climbers..... They can PITCH a fit.
10.
What do you say when you need to have a hard conversation with a climber...?
...Let’s chalk about it.
Emotional support chalk bag, anyone?
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads, joke-slingers, and groan-inducing pun masters out there. Keep spreading the joy..... though maybe give your belay partner a heads-up before dropping these on route.
Got a climbing dad joke of your own? Send it our way. We’ll be over here, laughing... and also kind of regretting putting pen to paper with these.